As the calendar year comes to a close, it's time (it's well past time, in fact) that I comment publicly on my obvious absence from the No Fluff, Just Stuff tour.

In January, when I emailed Jay Zimmerman, the organizer of the conference, to talk about topics for the coming year, I got no response. This is pretty typical Jay--he is notoriously difficult to reach over email, unless he has something he wants from you. In his defense, that's not an uncommon modus operandi for a lot of people, and it's pretty common to have to email him several times to get his attention. It's something I wish he were a little more professional about, but... *shrug* The point is, when I emailed him and got no response, I didn't think much of it.

However, as soon as the early years' schedule came out, a friend of mine on the tour emailed me to ask why I wasn't scheduled for any of the shows--I responded with a rather shocked "Wat?" and checked for myself--sure enough, nowhere on the tour. I emailed Jay, and... cue the "Sounds of Silence" melody.

Apparently, my participation was no longer desired.

Now, in all fairness, last year I joined Neudesic, LLC as a full-time employee, working as an Architectural Consultant and I mentioned to Jay that I was interested in scaling back my participation from all the shows (25 or so across the year) to maybe 15 or so, but at no point did I ever intend to give him the impression that I wanted to pull off the tour entirely. Granted, the travel schedule is brutal--last year (calendar year 2011) it wasn't uncommon for me to be doing three talks each day (Friday, Saturday and Sunday), and living in Seattle usually meant that I had to use all day Thursday to fly out to wherever the show was being held, and could sometimes return on Sunday night but more often had to fly back on Monday, making for a pretty long weekend. But I enjoyed hanging with my speaker buddies, I enjoyed engaging with the crowds, and I definitely enjoyed the "aha" moments that would fire off inside my head while speaking. (I'm an "external processor", so talking out loud is actually a very effective way for me to think about things.)

Across the year, I got a few emails and Tweets from people asking about my absence, and I always tried to respond to those as fairly and politely as I could without hiding the fact that I wished I was still there. In truth, folks, I have to admit, I enjoy having my weekends back. I miss the tour, but being off of it has made me realize just how much family time I was missing when I was off gallavanting across the country to various hotel conference rooms to talk about JVMs or languages or APIs. I miss hanging with my speaker friends, but friends remain friends regardless of circumstance, and I'm happy to say that holds true here as well. I miss the chance to hone my ideas and talks, but that in of itself isn't enough to justify missing out on my 13-year-old's football games or just enjoying a quiet Saturday with my wife on the back porch.

All in all, though I didn't ask for it, my rather unceremonious "boot" to the backside off the tour has worked out quite well. Yes, I'd love to come back to the tour and talk again, but that's up to Jay, not me. I wouldn't mind coming back, but I don't mind not being there, either. And, quite honestly, I think there's probably more than a few attendees who are a bit relieved that I'm not there, since sitting in on my sessions was always running the risk that they'd be singled out publicly, which I've been told is something of a "character-building experience". *grin*

Long story short, if enough NFJS attendee alumni make the noise to Jay to bring me back, and he offers it, I'd take it. But it's not something I need to do, so if the crowds at NFJS are happy without me, then I'm happy to stay home, sip my Diet Coke, blog a little more, and just bask in the memories of almost a full decade of the NFJS experience. It was a hell of a run, and I'm very content with having been there from almost the very beginning and helping to make that into one of the best conference experiences anyone's ever had.